One of the hardest parts of the first semester can be feeling as though everyone else has already found their group.
Your student may see roommates going out together, classmates making weekend plans, and social media posts filled with smiling groups at football games or campus events.
Meanwhile, they may be eating alone, spending more time in their room than they expected, or wondering why friendships seem easier for everyone else.
It can be hard for parents to hear.
You may want to offer ten ideas or remind them that they have only been there a few weeks.
They may already know that.
What they often need first is someone who understands that being surrounded by people is not the same as feeling connected.
Early Friendships Are Not Always Lasting Friendships
The first people students meet are often determined by location and timing.
They live on the same floor. They sit next to each other at orientation. Their roommates introduce them. They arrive early to the same class.
Some of those relationships become close friendships.
Many do not.
A student may spend the first few weeks with a group and then realize they have little in common. Another student may appear to have plenty of friends while still feeling that none of those relationships are especially meaningful.
Friendships usually require repeated contact, shared experiences, and time. Students may meet many people before finding the few they genuinely enjoy being around.
Social Media Makes Everyone Else Look Settled
Students post the game, party, dinner, or group photo.
They do not post the quiet afternoon in their room or the awkward event where they barely spoke to anyone.
That can make your student believe everyone else is having a better experience.
A photo captures one moment. It does not show whether the people in it are close, whether everyone felt included, or what happened after the picture was taken.
If scrolling consistently leaves your student feeling worse, stepping away for a while may be more helpful than continuing to compare.
Look for Repeated Contact
Friendships are more likely to develop when students see the same people regularly.
That is why recurring activities can be more helpful than attending one large campus event.
Possibilities include:
- Clubs connected to a major or interest
- Club or intramural sports
- Volunteer organizations
- Faith or cultural groups
- Campus jobs
- Study groups
- Music, theater, or performance groups
- Professional organizations
- Gaming, outdoor, or hobby clubs
The best choice is not necessarily the organization that looks most impressive.
It is the one your student might attend more than once.
One Meeting May Not Be Enough
Students sometimes attend one club meeting, feel awkward, and decide it was not for them.
The first meeting may not tell them much. People may already know one another. The event may be poorly organized. Your student may arrive late, leave quickly, or not have a natural opportunity to talk with anyone.
Unless the group is clearly uncomfortable or unwelcoming, trying it a second time may feel different.
Faces are more familiar. Someone may remember their name. Your student knows what to expect and may feel less self-conscious.
They do not have to commit for the entire semester. They may need to give an opportunity enough time to become less awkward.
Friendship Often Starts With a Small Invitation
Students may wait for someone else to include them.
The other person may be waiting too.
A simple invitation is enough:
“Do you want to grab dinner after class?”
“Are you going to the game this weekend?”
“Do you want to study together?”
“I’m heading to the dining hall. Want to come?”
Some invitations will not work out. People will be busy, forget to respond, or already have plans.
That can feel personal when a student is lonely. Often it is not.
Roommates Do Not Have to Become Best Friends
Many students arrive expecting their roommate to become an instant close friend.
Sometimes that happens.
Sometimes roommates are simply people who share a small space.
Your student can have a respectful roommate relationship and build friendships elsewhere. They may connect more easily with someone from class, work, a club, another floor, or a shared interest.
A roommate who is not a best friend does not mean your student will be lonely all year.
Be Thoughtful About Trips Home
Coming home can be comforting, especially after a difficult week.
It can also mean missing the casual campus moments when friendships often begin. Roommates order food. Someone puts on a movie in the lounge. A classmate asks who wants to walk to an event.
This does not mean your student should never come home.
It is worth considering what the trip is solving. Do they need a genuine break, or are they leaving every time campus feels uncomfortable?
Staying through one quiet weekend may give them a chance to find out that Sunday feels easier than Friday did.
Do Not Turn Every Call Into a Friendship Check
Parents naturally want updates.
“Did you meet anyone?”
“Who did you eat with?”
“Do you have plans this weekend?”
Those questions can make a student feel as though they are failing another part of college.
Ask about their whole day instead. What was interesting in class? Did they find a better place to study? What is happening on campus this weekend?
When they say they are lonely, listen before listing every organization and activity they could try.
You might say:
“That sounds lonely.”
“Is there anyone you feel even a little comfortable around?”
“Where do you tend to see the same people?”
“Would you like to think through one idea, or do you mostly need to talk?”
A card, favorite treat, or care package can also provide comfort from home without turning every conversation into a review of how college is going.
Finding Their People May Take Time
Some students meet close friends during orientation.
Others meet them second semester, sophomore year, through a difficult class, at a campus job, or in a club they almost did not attend.
Your student does not need a large group to have a good college experience.
One person to eat with, study with, walk to class with, or text on a quiet weekend can make campus feel very different.
The people who eventually matter most may not be the people they met first.